"Verily I say unto you, they have their reward"

Thanks to those of you who commented on my last post. I enjoy sharing ideas and discussing insights. :)  And I love how Emily has been blogging to share her thoughts and the things she is learning. I think I am going to use my blog more. I would love to write out some personal reflections, it's mostly just a matter of time. We'll see how it goes...here's a start.

And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

So, I give a lot. I am happy to. I enjoy serving. I don't think much about it, I just speak up and volunteer and easily give what I have to give, whether it be money, food, time, friendship, whatever. But sometimes I, like anybody, find myself saying "Wait a minute, what's in it for me??" or "When is it going to be my turn?"

Today I was complaining in my head something along these lines, and the Holy Ghost quietly whispered to me, "...Verily I say unto you, they have their reward." (Matt 6:5) What this means is, basically we can be rewarded by men or we can be rewarded by God. We can be rewarded now, or we can be rewarded in the next life. We can have a cookie now, or we can have the whole bakery if we just wait a little longer :)

That's not to say we're not being rewarded now. Sometimes when I am whining in my head about not having a certain blessing I am seeking, the Holy Ghost whispers to me, "Would you like to trade in one of your current, bigger blessings?" and I realize, Heck no!! I am totally blessed with really, really AWESOME things. There are 2 or 3 MAJOR blessings in our life that are simply miracles, and I would not trade them for anything. Obviously one is our temple blessings and the protection we enjoy having taken upon ourselves certain covenants. But we also have pretty cool temporal blessings that only the Lord knows we need...things that most people don't have and don't even want. But to Rychen and me, it means the world to us that Heavenly Father hears our individual prayers about things that most people would think silly, that are actually very critical to us and only a miracle can provide. And thus far, this miracle has been provided. I wouldn't trade that for more energy or stamina, I wouldn't trade that for more cooperative kids, I wouldn't trade that for local family.

When we give and give and give, and wonder when they will give something back, there is something crucial to remember. Are we being rewarded now? YES. We just have a different person paying us. Christ died and paid payment for all debts we incur in life....except financial debts :)  But all relationship debts, emotional debts, etc. have been paid for and all we have to do is accept the third party payment.  Why do we sit around holding grudges, waiting for the debtor to pay us, when they CAN'T, and the third party (Christ) is willing to pay us MORE than we deserve??I'm sure we can all relate to feeling WOUNDED. Maybe a heart-break. Or maybe somebody ruined our reputation, maybe somebody was dishonest with us, or for whatever reason, another person has hurt us and they are not apologizing. The pain of an unsettled debt is agonizing. They have robbed you emotionally, and you yearn for restitution. You yearn for reconciliation, for them to at least ACKNOWLEDGE that they have hurt you. And you wonder, will this debt ever be settled? The answer depends on if we are willing to accept third-party payments :)  The debt has already been paid. The blood of Jesus Christ pays us, WHETHER OR NOT THE DEBTOR CALLS UPON HIM TO DO SO. Whether or not the offender asks for the Savior to pay us on his behalf, He HAS. He is willing to give this to us so that our emotional reconciliation may be granted and we can have peace (But of course, the offender won't have their peace until they personally reach out and receive theirs).

I'm sure we've heard that in Sunday school before. But what about other debts?? Not when we've been hurt  but maybe when we've been UNAPPRECIATED? Do you know how much your CHILDREN OWE YOU?? Some children grow into sweet adults who shower their parents with praises and thank-you's, for more many more years than the service was given. Other adult children still don't acknowledge their parents. But even if they will eventually do so, what we if need some "pay" NOW?

I found myself thinking this one day and had an amazing epiphany. I was thinking how much my kids OWE me. How much appreciation I am due. It was that key word "Owe" that struck my heart, because I know that any debt I am owed has already been paid by the Savior. So I pondered on how the Savior has paid the debt of appreciation for the things I have done.

My next thought was, if I continue to play my martyr card (which I admit, I love to do and I play it quite frequently), that in essence is me refusing to accept the third party payment--I am refusing to accept the GRACE of Christ. If I have been paid in full, then I am no longer a martyr. If I have been paid in full, I can lift up my weary soul and SMILE, and live in peace. I don't have to worry about what I am owed, like a rock hanging around my shoulder every day weighing me down. This is what Christ meant when he said "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

So once again we come back to - "Verily I say unto you, they have their reward." Would you like martyrdom and drama to be your reward? Or can you give it up, and accept peace (and all the glories hereafter) as your reward? You don't get both.

When I was a teenager I struggled with clinical depression. And one day I realized I was on some subconscious level, CHOOSING that. I asked myself, Why would I want this? And of course the answer is, I love drama. Even if nobody is there listening or pitying me, the drama is in my heart and I sure love to whine in my heart. I had my reward. Does that make sense? I was getting something out of it. As long as you are getting something out of a bad situation, you're not the victim. You are benefiting (or to use a financial word since this post is about debts, you are PROFITING) from the negative situation. A victim does not profit. When we use negative situations for drama, we have chosen our reward. When we use negative situations to hold a grudge or play martyr, we have chosen our reward. When we use negative situations to tell exaggerated stories and gain attention from others, we have chosen our reward.

It is only when we surrender, and say "Fine. I won't hold onto this anymore. I won't USE this situation for my personal gain, in ANY aspect" that we can finally allow Christ to enter our hearts and finally pay that debt in full, in a way nobody else can do. And then we will truly be free.

So next time you find yourself asking "What's in it for me?" Just think, Eternal Life. Riches beyond measure. If I choose that reward, and THAT reward only.