How Sitting Backward Turned my Life Around

When I was in 8th grade I was going through a big shift in my inner life, processing life's experiences and all my confusing feelings and ideas. I had a lot to sort out. One day at the very end of the school year when we were just ready to get out for summer, my PE teacher was showing us a movie. We gathered in the shower area and sat down on yoga mats. While she was getting the VCR ready, we girls we all talking to each other, of course. So I was facing away from the TV, toward my friends. Once the movie was ready, she told us to be quiet and watch. Being the spunky rebel that I was, I did stop talking but remained in my position sitting away from the TV. I don't remember why--maybe I didn't want to watch the movie. She probably told me again to turn around, and I ignored her. So she said, go to her office for a little chat.

Soon she met me there and gave me a brief talking-to. Then she gave me a pat on the head and sent me back out to watch the movie. But I paused. And I asked the one question I will never forget: 

"Don't you want to know WHY?"

"Huh?" She wasn't understanding why I wasn't skipping out to be with my friends again.

"Don't you want to know why? You talked to me about my behavior but you didn't ask me why I am behaving like that."

So she invited me to come sit down in her office, and she closed the door. I did not see a single minute of that movie that day. Over the next hour and a half or so, I sat in her office and released the burden I had been carrying all alone for the past year, or maybe the past thirteen years. She listened and heard every word. She never judged me, and she never said she had better things to do. She just sat back and let me do that talking--which I will say, is quite the miracle, as I can't think of another single time in my entire life when I've had that privilege.

That was a big day for me because it helped me come to a decision. It gave me the confidence to act for myself and seek out my destiny. I left that locker room and walked home.

And then I left the church.

So it's kind of ironic that after such a good, validating experience, I was led to make a choice that set me on a path "away" from where I "needed to be." And I still haven't completely figured out whether that was the right choice that day or not. Because I will say, I needed to feel that I made a decision for myself. And I needed to allow my heart to explore some other possibilities. I needed some time to find myself.

Two years later, I had found myself, and I came back to the fold with 100% pure intent, truly converted for myself. But that is not what this story is about.

I woke up this morning thinking of this day. I can't help but wonder, if I had had that life-changing talk with somebody else, anyone else, or maybe somebody close to me (I mean come on, the PE teacher?? We were not close at all. That just happened to be the moment when it all came spilling out.) - and maybe somebody who had a sure foot in the Gospel - Would the outcome of that day have been different? My PE teacher had a negative opinion of Mormons so the conversation took a certain turn. What if I had talked to somebody who could help clear up my misconceptions and guide me toward the light rather than away from it?

But there is a reason why it was my PE teacher. There is a very simple, easy reason. And that was this: Because she was the only one willing to ask that question and sit down and listen.

So the point of the story is this: ASK WHY. People act out for a reason. Their actions reflect what they are going through internally. Don't take somebody's actions personally as if it's about you--it's always about THEM. If your child is misbehaving, Don't you want to know WHY? If your coworker is being deceptive or rude, don't you want to know WHY? If your spouse is withdrawing, don't you want to know WHY? If your visiting teachers aren't coming, Don't you want to know WHY? If a Mormon is a feminist or a gay rights supporter, Don't you want to know WHY? What have these people experienced in life that have given them these perspectives and impressions? What have they been through that has given them the belief that ... they are unloveable, or that their dreams cannot come true, or that they can't get out and do a calling, or they can't nurture their spouse, or they can't follow instructions, or they can't smile and be outgoing in public, or whatever it is they are struggling with. WHY? It's not because they are bad. It's because they are sorting through some real experiences and feelings, and even if it leads them down the "wrong" path, it will ultimately be for their good. Learning and seeking truth are ALWAYS good things.