Rychen Parker has recently improved in his abilities to keep himself entertained. I am soooooo relieved. For instance right now, I am just surfing the web, with him playing blocks on the floor. THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. Usually I have to fight him off, or try to do it with him on my lap, or just wait until after bedtime. This all started last week when I told him bluntly, "Mom needs to get work done. If I play with you for ten minutes, could you play by yourself for a half hour while I do some work upstairs?" and he did! He is starting to respond to our needs when we explain them, and work with us. He does good with negotiating, say he begs to do something, we say, "OK 5 minutes. Then we have to ___." And usually he is really good about that. Just another testament that when you respect your kids, they will respect you.
That being said, NIGHTS have been an entire different issue. I haven't stayed in bed through the night for an entire week. The past 4 nights, Rychen has woken up and refused to sleep. At least this morning it was 4:30 so Rychen just woke up with him and let him play. So with nights off like this, he is taking 2 naps and still going to bed before 8. I've been snoozing around the clock, so now at nighttime, I find that I can't sleep!! Our bio-clocks are all messed up now. *sigh* We're really struggled this week, and a couple times I had to disappear, or put myself in time out.
Times like this I wish we had a community of mothers, so we could step in and take kids when moms are losing their wits. I don't really have anyone I can call on when I am going crazy (or need to sleep in, for instance). But yesterday I had a nice talk with my visiting teacher and got a lot off my chest. I think this whole experience has been beneficial for me to be humbled, stop trying to be the ideal mom, and learn that it's OK to be imperfect, and it's OK to need help. Also no parenting philosophy is going to be perfect, but our children will be just fine if we love them as much as we can, and balance that with taking care of ourselves. What does that mean? Rychen P. is ready to detach from my hip, it's time for him to have babysitters, time to wean because this whole scenario has gotten way out of control. I also had some great insight from Pamala, that this is really about MY need, my reluctance to let him grow up. As soon as I release him from this role (of "baby") he will willingly grow up, wean, get out of our bed, etc. I admit, this is an issue, and it's hard for me to see him grow up. Yet I know I need to turn my focus to the next child, and that will only happen when Rychen P. makes room for somebody else to be in the "baby" role. Let's hope we see the transition by the end of the year.
P.S. (11/14) We've transitioned beautifully, and now Rychen P. sleeps all night, from about 7 to 6. We've also been focusing on various ways of being close and staying entertained, so he hasn't nursed and hasn't missed it! (he's nursed once in the past week)
2 comments:
"The most important thing she'd learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one." ~ Jill Churchill
A friend of mine has this saying on her blog and I've always loved it. I hope it's words of encouragement to you as much as it is to me. YOu can always give me a call if you need anything :)
I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I just want to shout out the door, Somebody, Anybody come and help me out here! Today was one of those days.
Do you have any news? Or were you making comments about the next one in anticipation?? :)
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