When Brains Don't Work

When a baby is born, they are a perfect extension of the parents, particularly the mother. I personally felt such a connection with each of my children in their first year, even sharing my thoughts and interests with them. A perfect little buddy because they don't have anything to disagree about--they are not their own person quite yet. They are a satellite of yourself, an extension of your own wavelength, blissfully adorable.

 

Then some time passes and they become toddlers. Suddenly they are completely independent, and they want to make sure you know about it! So they make a point to disagree with most things you say, whether or not they truly feel that way (if you're up to it, you can be a great time trying to beguile them in this paradox).

 

Elisabeth has had a few royal tantrums when I know exactly what she wants but she continues to deny it, screaming "I Do Not!" but having nothing to answer when I say, "then what do you want?"  So you see these aren't the type of tantrums when she is trying to get something he can't have; it's just a wholly illogical and pointless interaction with her crying and shouting to no purpose, except that she does not want whatever is being asked of her.

 

When it comes to tantrums, distraction is a mother's most valuable tool. If you continue to focus on the fascimile of a "conversation" (particularly with pre-verbal children like my own) you will drive the stubborn thing and yourself further and further into upset frustration. Distraction is most effective when put to use early on in the game, when you see the tantrum on the horizon but haven't quite reached that destination. Rather, take a scenic route and find a round-a-bout way to achieve your intention. Moms have to be tricky -- this is the real test, "Are you smarter than a two-year-old?"

 

The other tools are things other moms are much better at than myself...making sure your children are napped and snacked at all opportunities, so as to not leave them vulnerable to low blood sugar or lapses in brain activity. In our family we have a saying, "Your brain is not working." That means "I love you but you're being completely irrational, and you need sleep a.s.a.p. I know you need sleep and you can't be held accountable for this, so we are going to pretend it never happened and get you in bed pronto!"

 

The best thing is, it works for parents too. Because we all know what going hungry or staying up too late can do to us, as well. Don't be afraid to say, "I'm sorry sweetheart, my brain wasn't working. Let's start over and talk this through."  Because dealing with a huge temper tantrum is very energy-depriving, and then you'll need twice as much make-up sleep!