...the rest of the story

I feel like I owe a more rational and honest explanation of how I am doing, now that I am level-headed and that really bad day passed. So here is how I am doing.

• I am really busy. I am always busy and yes, I thrive on it. I love having projects, being in charge of stuff, setting goals, etc. But it's just difficult during pregnancy - and it's difficult for a Type-A personality to accept and to learn that they need breaks and time to rest.
• I start out each day feeling pretty good, and I get a lot done in the morningtime. But by afternoon I am usually exhausted and crabby. I am learning to take rest breaks before I think I need it, and it helps prevent the exhaustion.
• I have a lot of bad days but plenty of good days too. It seems to rely a lot on how my back is feeling and how stressed I am (like how grouchy the kids are, how much work I have that day, etc.)
• My back is usually stiff, and if I continue to work without resting it becomes very painful. I feel better when I go for a walk or do yoga so I am trying to do one of those daily. I don't really do other exercise anymore since it affects my energy level now.
• Rychen is very sympathetic and supportive; he does anything I ask him to do. But still, it's hard to ask someone for favors when you can see how tired they are too. I try to do as much as I can myself but I am learning to delegate more and let some things be. And besides, sometimes you just need a woman!!
• Last week was a particularly horrible, awful week with the kids (okay the smaller one) and way too much housework. It was hard on both of us, and nobody slept well. We are still recovering!
• I do continually feel lonely and not cared for, but that is just my pessimistic personality. I have always felt this way. I am learning to improve my attitude.
• ...But I still feel like a child in an adult's body, and I don't like the isolated, cold adult world! I am a sensitive person and also very open. I love sharing life with other people. 
• It is really hard on me not to have family close by. I am not a big phone talker, and so usually we don't have the best contact with my family. And somehow, no matter when friends you make once you're a grown-up, nothing ever compares to your girlfriends from high school who really know who you really are. But they are far away and we never talk anymore!
• When I have a bad day, my outlook on everything is trashed. So yeah I am going to sound pretty pathetic.

I am thankful for some family members and friends who reached out to me after I posted that. I learned that I need to make phone calls and get things off my chest sooner, before it drives me crazy. I can still have nurturing relationships but I need to make those phone calls; and just because people aren't initiating it either doesn't mean they don't love me.