..and speaking of being sentimental with my kids...
It's occured to me lately that I have a certain relationship with Rychen P. that I probably won't have with the other kids. I guess that it normal for a first-born relationship but I haven't heard other moms talk about this (is it a secret?)
I have a really special bond with him as my first-born -- we spent so much one-on-one time with each other, I felt like he was my little buddy in everything I did -- but I think it's an even greater bond because that time of my life was so important. I was going through a lot of changes, growth, therapy, etc. and add that to being a mom for the first time, it was a very emotional time of my life. Plus our personalities are SO MUCH ALIKE that he was just continually challenging me and forcing me to face things about myself. When he was 4 ish, I remember saying we had a love/hate relationship! He was very difficult for me, but I still had such a bond with him. A dramatic relationship of sorts.
I have a really special bond with him as my first-born -- we spent so much one-on-one time with each other, I felt like he was my little buddy in everything I did -- but I think it's an even greater bond because that time of my life was so important. I was going through a lot of changes, growth, therapy, etc. and add that to being a mom for the first time, it was a very emotional time of my life. Plus our personalities are SO MUCH ALIKE that he was just continually challenging me and forcing me to face things about myself. When he was 4 ish, I remember saying we had a love/hate relationship! He was very difficult for me, but I still had such a bond with him. A dramatic relationship of sorts.
Now Elisabeth and Taylor just aren't. Elisabeth is very independent, she wakes up and plays and I can go for hours without her needing me. She does cry from time to time (when she is tired) and need hugs. But that's pretty much it. She goes to bed alone without any issues (Rychen P needed me in there with him til he was 5! He slept in our room for years). Even Taylor doesn't really need me. Sometimes I think if it weren't for my milk, he wouldn't even know who I was. haha! He is just such a low-key, content little guy. He likes to be held and interact but he really doesn't care who it is. (I have to admit this is a fresh change of course...and very welcomed!) Now, I ADORE Taylor, I really enjoy making him smile and mothering him. But just saying what a different time I had with Rychen P. and how that has affected our relationship still. Some people have theories about how birth affects personalities and bonds. I am supposed to be better bonded to E and T since they had a more natural, unintervented birth. But maybe that is why they have more content personalities. But also its probably why I don't have any strong emotions tied up with them...their births were just too easy. (I took Rychen P. to a chiropractor once for energy work and he asked if he was a C-section baby since he was so emotional and had serious attachment problems. Ha! He looked so dumb and unprofessional when I said no...even if I have some theories like that, I woudn't ever come right out with a blanket statement like that! I know lots of well-adjusted c/s babies)
How do your relationships with your children differ?
2 comments:
Interesting stuff. I think there is a lot to it, but it is different in each family. I really think it just depends on their personalities and their family placement. Hmmmm....
Also, I totally feel there is something to the C-Section thing. I did labor with my first and literally went through hell to get that baby here, even though it did end in a C-Section. I felt instantly bonded to him. With the others I did not. My second and sixth were the hardest in that concern. My baby is now almost 4 weeks old and I still struggle with feeling like I even had a baby or that he is mine. It is getting better;) I have had to make a concerted effort each time though. I think Heavenly Father was brilliant when he came up with labor and delivery and mother child bonding. If only my body could do it that way... If only...
I can't say I know anything about attachment from VB or CSection but the emotions of the mother at birth have a lot to do with the attachment of the children. Also the amount of time between the birth and the placement of the baby with the mother and how nursing goes and bonding etc. Its funny you mention how he is much like you and you seem closer to him. The one I have that is like me seems furthest away from me and least attached. To me it sounds like your youngest two are more attached and so they don't worry about you as much because they trust you will be there. With our P, he is insecurly attached and is constantly seeking us out in worry that we won't be there for some reason. Many kids can end up with insecurity in attachment for various reasons and some of the most minor things can cause it. Children are sensitive little souls that are highly dependent on their mama's and how their mama's think feel and act in general :) The good thing is God gives us trials to keep us on our toes and different attitudes in people to do the same!
Post a Comment