Tales from my personal life.
So my 7 year old is taking piano lessons. He is supposed to be practicing reguarly. Meanwhile we have upteen other things going on in our daily life, including many other goals we each focus on requiring daily attention. So when it comes to my kid's piano practicing, it's usually a matter of "Go Practice" and "Did you practice?" rather than sitting and supervising said practice. Does that make sense? Of course it does, because that is the usual way, I am sure of it.
Back to those other goals... I am personally into eBay selling and running training. These are my own hobbies which I use to gain a sense of achievement and success. I have a busy schedule and I know it. I require a lot of my family and I know it. We ask a lot of our kids too. We have very high standards. Let's just say we are overachievers to the max.
I know I should limit my own activities and put my kids first. There is definitely a balance there. But it just seems so mundane checking off kids' daily tasks day after day after day. There is no personal pride in it for me. (Well, we found what motivates me.)
So today I realize, if I took an active participatory role in my son's piano practice (or schooling, or what have you) I would gain more pride from it and it would fulfill me personally such that I would be satisfied leaving behind some of my own hobbies.
But.....would that be living through my children?? This is a big no-no in our society.
Obviously there is a balance there as well. Kids need their own loves and motivation, not just acting as puppets living the dream of a parent. But it does have to involve the parent to some extent, to guide them and keep their goals on track.
So then how do you find that delicate balance -- and actively live your children's goals with them rather than living through them?
2 comments:
If you haven't read the book, "Battle Hymn of the tiger mother" then I highly recommend it. Very interesting concepts. We discussed these same questions in book club. I have no answer for you, but it really is interesting.
As a Catholic, I view everything from a Catholic perspective. In those terms I would mention a couple of things. A Catholic mother's duty is to raise her children for the greater glory of God, to return back to Him that which He gave and to teach them to honor love and serve Him. Secondly a mother's duty is to give the tools to her child that the child will need in honor to know, love and serve their Creator. Religion first in all things and above all things and then secondly the tools needed to live in the world which God placed us.
A child's first duty is to love God, second to obey their parents For in learning to obey their parents they learn to obey the laws of God. This puts parents in the position to require certain things of their child even if they seem mundane and boring day after day. It is an act of obedience, just as fulfilling my duties as a mother might seem boring and useless it is the vocation in which I choose (vs. becoming a nun or religious, or single life) and so I must obey the laws of God. If I do not obey God's laws pertaining to my vocation then I become discontent, unfulfilled.
This is because when any of us are not doing the will of God our conscience bugs us. It is not pride in something we seek but rather God we seek in our daily work. If we are not doing what He wants then we do not find Him in the work we do. We can also do the work opposite of what He wants and find joy because it is self serving, it distracts us from God. The devil always after those souls that God created is filled with joy when we are distracted with something that is self serving.
The world would like to have us think certain things, those things are usually not true. Living through our children is one of those things... pushing them to do the things we love is one thing. Pushing them to do what they should is another. If he is only learning piano because you want him to that is one thing but if he is learning it because it challenges the brain to think, because it helps the brain think of higher things and aides in the learning of other subjects then learning the piano has a higher purpose. Doing his lessons because he is obeying the 4th commandment of God is more worthy then just because 'I said so' or because I want you to. Make sense?
Sometimes, more often than we would like, we have to sacrifice what we would want to do for the love of our children. Homeschooling provides so many opportunities for that. We have to have a clear goal and purpose in mind for what we are doing and why or those lines get fuzzy. We tend to gravitate towards doing things because other people do, the world says this, the world requires that. In our family our goals are set for Heaven first, the tools to survive in the world secondly (different for boys and girls) and thirdly in regards to school, to meet state laws and pass state testing. I would far rather have a saint than a genius but both wouldn't hurt either ;)
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