Didn't Care

Today I got out some old journals, it's fun to re-read them (I am so blessed that I kept one!) Anyway I found this song that I wrote in 2006, on a keyboard, on my living room floor, when nobody else was home. (Yes, Courtney inspired me, and I wanted to be cool like her!)

It has a tune but not much accompiament; unfortunately I don't play by ear, and my theory has wasted away, so writing a piano part is very complicated for me. I don't think I have shared this with anybody, ever. Rychen doesn't even know about it. One time when my mom was in town I intended to share it with her, but a good time never presented itself. My mom would really appreciate this song, because it's about the sad little girl I used to be (as a teenager, pretty much left the church, needed a physician to help with my depression, etc.) and how I found my faith and became truly converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

So I am coming out of the closet and presenting this publicly. Here is who I used to be and who I am today. It's called,

Didn't Care

1.
Slouchin' down in the backseat of the car
I was starin' out the window, lookin' out far
Brother in the front seat, my sister and my Dad
They were all talking, didn't know that I was sad
Turned around a corner, almost crashed
into the backseat of a cab
Found myself thinking...
I wish we had

Chorus:
I was alone
I was afraid
I had known You before,
but it seemed such a chore
back then

Life was so hard
there was no point
whether or not I survived-
whether I lived or died-
Didn't Care.

2.
Stayin' up late, I never could sleep
My heart in a tangle, My soul in a heap
Searchin' for the answers, the Meaning of life
What's the cause of pain? The purpose of strife?
Lost in a maze of doubt and fear, I just wanted to find Truth
But I just wouldn't open my eyes...
(It's right in front of you)

Bridge:
The truth was there, I had to open my heart
(it had been there all along)
There is value in every struggle-
if it leads you to Him

Chorus:
I'd been alone
I'd been afraid
I had known You before,
but it seemed such a chore
back then

But now I'm strong,
My faith is sure
I had to sacrifice, but
I've gained so much
in return.

3.
The Lord won't force, You have your choice
but he's waiting for you, Can't you hear his voice?
Lay down your pride, turn over your fate
Let the Lord come in, have to open the gate
He'll do more with your life than you ever could
Bringing joy, I guarantee
Is happiness possible?
Look at me

Chorus:
I'm not alone
I'm not afraid
Now I know him again
and I feel so alive

Life can be hard
But there's a point!
When you let yourself go
and allow to grow
This I know.