Growing up I was always a smart-mouth. And I still am! I'm a smart mouth to my own kid, because he needs to learn how to speak the right way. For instance, he says "That was really yummy" as a way of hinting that he wants more. But he needs to come right out and say it! So I tell him "Yeah. It was," ignoring the fact that I know what he really meant (of course we talk about it when I tell him what I expect him to say). So now he talk to me exactly the same way. I tell him "These clothes need to be picked up," an indirect way of asking him to clean his room. So what does he mouth back? "That's good to know."
Another thing he says that bothers me is when he whines "When can we ________?" It will be the most random thing like "When can we go to McDonalds to play on the playplace again?" Well of course I don't have that written on my calendar. So I don't have a literal answer to his question. This is what he asked me today, so I just laid it all out for him. "Rychen, when you want to do something, just ASK. I don't know WHEN we can go, right now it's not scheduled anytime. If you want to go, you need to say, 'Mom, how bout we go to McDonalds while we're out?' or 'Is there a day this week we can go?' or 'Instead of going to Kids Club today, how bout we go to McDonalds?' " All of those are very direct, simple questions that I can easily give an answer to. For whatever reason, it's difficult for me to answer indirect questions! I think very literally and so people need to be careful of the wording they use with me! I will answer the exact thing they asked, without taking the time to realize what they really meant.
My brain is just weird like that. It took me a long time to realize that when people say "How are you doing today?" they don't actually care! But seriously, I take things literally and I cannot lie. I am not going to say "fine" or "good" if that's not the 100% truth. So on one hand, if I do say that, you know I am having a good day. On the other hand, I fear I come across as an unhappy person too often because I won't tell those white lies.
Now that I am a mature adult and have come to realize this about myself, I am working on keeping the truth to myself and putting on a smile, or at least not expounding on the details because nobody cares! (I also have a tendency of giving too much information, too soon, without stopping to consider how well I know a person or what environment we're in.... *sigh* I have issues) This is a trait of the Aspergers personality which runs in my family. So I apoligize in advance. I am a mental case.
So I am working on my social skills. I have a lot to learn :)
2 comments:
children can be such great mirrors! I don't think you have to apologize. it is a great way to teach direct requests to children (or other people). I also don't think you have to wear masks and play false games. I also prefer honesty. This american "how are you" thing- i've never come behind it. Because I also start telling them, how I really feel :-)
I do that exact same thing! I'm so glad I'm not the only one :) I always think later, I should have said this or that instead of being so direct or missing the point! Frustrating isn't it?!
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